CONDITIONAL EMPATHY
CONDITIONAL EMPATHY
There are several problems that we can experience until we better understand our empathic nature. The first is that we try to limit our empathic nature, we make it conditional: I will be empathic with you but not him. Perhaps this describes the world we live in right now, where we and those around us have to qualify to receive empathy.
Blocking aggression
You might say, “But I want to block certain feelings I receive! I want to block that person’s fear or anger or be ready to block any aggression that comes from them!”
You get to take care of yourself—I promise. But there is another way to do this without walling off and blocking your ability to receive emotional and felt-sense information. And without necessarily judging the other person.
Imagine, instead, that you understand your empathic nature, that you learn how to stop and feel whatever you are feeling, and notice if it makes sense to suppose that the feeling originates with you—or originates with someone near you physically or someone you are thinking of. You might be guessing at first but that’s okay. Being certain to actually feel the feeling is the most important step.
Set a boundary
Then, notice if you need to set a boundary. Maybe you need to defend yourself or respond in some way or get away from that person or, on the other hand, give them a hug. Whatever you do, do it without judging. Instead, you discern: does what you feel from them feel good? Or not? This can inform what you do.
Send light and love
Then send them light and love. This blocks whatever they are sending you. It also makes it harder for them to see you, identify you as an appropriate victim, unless what you were picking up from them in the first place was the same, light and love, acceptance, allowing.
And, yes, sometimes this is not quite enough because we aren’t able to love certain people. “He hurt me!” “She hates me!” Yes. So that is the challenge, isn’t it? Learning to love ourselves enough to let ourselves feel our feelings and sense whatever we are sensing and take care of ourselves and, sometimes, love other people. But not cut ourselves off from others and not block our own ability to receive powerful and important information through our senses and through our empathic nature.